Kristi Hedges is a leadership coach specializing in executive communication. You may have read one of her articles in “Forbes” or encountered her other book, The Power of Presence. Her extensive research and survey into what inspires people was fascinating. I recently asked Kristi about her latest work on inspiration in the workplace.
“When we highlight potential, we boost confidence.” -Kristi Hedges
Tell me more about the four factors that enhance our inspirational effect, what you call the Inspire Path.
The Inspire Path puts a structure to the research I found that uncovers what communication behaviors inspire others. It’s a guide to increase inspirational impact. While we can’t force someone to be inspired—and if we try to push, it backfires—we can create the conditions that foster inspiration. People are most often inspired through certain types of conversation with others. If we want be more inspiring, we should focus on being:
“What we concentrate on gets stronger.” -Kristi Hedges
After enlisting in the Marines Ken Marlin worked his way up to become a captain and infantry commander. After the Marines, Ken has led a technology company and finally an investment bank on Wall Street.
Be prepared to walk away from the table. This is a great place to start. Do you have an example of when someone wasn’t willing to walk away and how that hurt them?
I have many examples both positive and negative. That’s because negotiating is much more about psychology than logic – and it has very little to do with finance. The negative examples aren’t fun to talk about. But we have had clients who simply weren’t willing to walk away from a prospective deal. Inevitably the other side took advantage. One that comes to mind resulted in a sale that I strongly advised against. Our client was a seller. The price offered seemed quite strong, on the surface. It was significantly higher in total value than those we received from other bidders – but a significant portion of the price was to be paid over three years based on the company’s future earnings. We’ve worked with so-called “earn-out” structures before and often they are fine. But, in this particular case, I believed that the upfront portion of the purchase price was much too low and the protections for my client post-deal were too weak. We pushed back of course, but the buyer touted the total value of the potential deal and was unwilling to move. I advised my client to walk away and negotiate with one of the other bidders – leaving the door open for the first one to get more reasonable. But my client was also focused on the total theoretical value and – perhaps – a bit too sure of himself and his own abilities. He was not willing to negotiate hard – and take the risk of losing this deal. He took the deal. The results were predictable. Within a year the senior management of my client’s company were out – and the sellers never received most of the earn-out. There were lawsuits. But the lawyers are about the only ones who came out ahead.
“Discipline is critical to proper preparation.” –Ken Marlin
There must be less depressing examples of the where the approach did work.
Sure, there are lots. For example, a few years ago, we had a VC-controlled client that had been negotiating the sale of their company for months with a very qualified buyer before they came to us for help. The offer was all-cash at a fair price by any measure. At the same time, it was clear that the buyer would merge the organizations and fire at least half of my client’s personnel. The VCs were mostly interested in the money, but they were sympathetic to the CEO’s desire to protect his people. The CEO had tried to negotiate, but the buyer said that their offer was “best and final” and would expire in 3 weeks. Further, the buyer said that if there were any solicitation of other bidders, they would walk from the table. The buyer was using their leverage better than my client. They assumed that the VCs would not risk losing a high all-cash offer.
I told my client that they could not negotiate if the other side perceived that they were unwilling to walk from the table. Otherwise we would just be begging. We knew that if we solicited other bids we might lose the first buyer, but that was a risk we had to take to improve the terms. My client agreed to take the risk. Once we had other bids coming in and the first buyer saw that they might lose the deal, they materially improved the cash portion of their offer. But they put even more emphasis on cost reductions. Fortunately, we had identified another interested bidder, and we were able to use our leverage – including the specter of sale to the original buyer – to obtain an offer for more money and protections for the employees. That was win-win.
About a year ago we had a similar experience internally, as the lease on our office space was expiring. We were the sole occupant of the top floor of a prestigious New York office tower. It had terraces, great light and views, and it was all built to our specifications. We were willing to stay. But the landlord asked for a rent increase that was clearly above market. He may have assumed that we would not walk away. We pushed back. We showed him that rent for comparable spaces was lower. But logic did not work. He declined to offer more than a pittance. So we went out and found another great space and used the specter of staying in the original space as leverage to negotiate great terms with the new building. When the first landlord saw that we were willing to walk from the table, he finally got reasonable. But it was too late. We moved to the new space. We love it.
“Staying safely at your home port is narrow thinking.” –Ken Marlin
Tell the truth. I love this one as part of your rules. What’s the Marine definition of lying?
I’m not saying that you can’t lie to an enemy who is trying to kill you or your friends. This is about negotiating in normal business environments – or in Marine environments when you are negotiating with so-called “friendlies” (such as local villagers). In this context, the Marine definition of lying goes beyond the standard definition of asserting something as fact that you know to be otherwise. It includes making statements – or failing to make statements – as part of an express intent to deceive. It’s an extension of the concept that my word is my bond – with a focus on being honest with those who expect that of you. Reputations are built over time and will outlast the negotiations at hand. A reputation as a liar will eventually catch up to you.
Negotiation Tip: don’t make promises that will be challenging to keep.
So in that context, how do you bluff in negotiating? Doesn’t everyone bluff?
It’s true that, in my business, many people bluff. And more than a few lie. Lying is always bad. Bluffing usually is. It is also dangerous if your bluff is called. It can cost the loss of major negotiating points – and sometimes kill the deal. That’s why I prefer the truth.
“Discipline can help ensure successful execution.” –Ken Marlin
Recognize when you have leverage-and when you don’t.How do you know what the leverage each side has? How does this impact your deal making?
In the Marines, leverage comes from a combination of superior force combined with moral certainty. Moral certainty was one of the key ingredients in how Americans won the Revolution against the superior forces of the British Empire. It was key to winning World War II, and it was also key to the US losing the War in Vietnam. Sure, there are many exceptions where superior force trumped all. See the Russians in Chechnya. But 150 years later, that war isn’t completely over yet. In deal making, the best leverage comes from a combination of being on the moral high ground and being willing to walk from the table. That leverage increases the more the other side wants to get the deal done. It’s usually not hard to recognize. In the book I relay a vignette about the CEO of a very large firm that had made an offer to acquire our client’s company. After we shook hands on what appeared to be a very fair purchase price, he began to dictate deal terms – and even to change some that had previously been agreed. The CEO acted as if he had all the leverage, when actually, by his bullying tactics, he had squandered the moral high ground. He was then left with the assumption that my client was desperate to complete the deal. They weren’t that desperate. The CEO was surprised when we walked from the table.
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.” –Sun Tzu
Remember the peace. Most non-military experts will pause on this one. What does it mean and why is it so important?
Most statesman learned long ago that after most wars end, there is wisdom in finding a way for the formerly warring parties to live with each other. After the Civil War came what was supposed to be reconstruction. After WWII came the Marshall plan. When people forget that basic rule of remembering the peace, it can be bad. That’s what the allies did after World War I, forcing impossible reparations on the Germans. The result was resentment that fermented and eventually boiled over. And then we got World War II. The consequences of scorched earth policies in business negotiations may not be quite as dire. But still, the smart move is to recognize that the completion of a transaction is usually not the end of anything. It is a phase point, after which it is better if the formerly battling parties (buyer and seller) can continue to work and live with each other in peace and harmony. Otherwise, life is long, resentment ferments, and bad things may happen.
9 Negotiation Rules from Ken Marlin
Rule 1: Be prepared to walk away from the table.
Rule 2: Know where you are going.
Rule 3: Recognize when you have leverage—and when you don’t.
Rule 4: Tell the truth.
Rule 5: Remember the peace.
Rule 6: Negotiate big things before little things.
Trust. Find any high performance team with sustained success and you’ll find it. It’s the glue of relationships. It’s the desire to serve the team over self.
As important as it is, you’ll receive little training on it in an MBA program. You may have experienced it, but it seems elusive. Few can describe it; fewer can teach it, and finding a leader who can create it multiple times seems like a dream.
Enter Colonel JV Venable. He’s a graduate of the USAF’s Fighter Weapons School. He commanded and led the USAF Thunderbirds and 1100 American airmen.
“Commitment is the demonstrated will to deliver for the people around you.” -JV Venable
Teaching trust is crucial. Think about the trust needed to fly within inches of another yet at over 500 miles per hour. You just can’t imagine doing it without the highest degree of trust. JV’s new book, Breaking the Trust Barrier: How Leaders Close the Gaps for High Performance, shares lessons from his experience as a Top Gun instructor with all of us. I recently asked him about creating this level of trust and how everyone can learn from his experience.
“Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much.” -Helen Keller
As you might imagine, the insights and sensations that came with flying on the point of the Thunderbirds were pretty special. More often than not I got the feeling my jet was being furthered by the five jets on my wing. I was convinced it was an emotional surge until I felt the shift on a particularly smooth day, half way through my first year on the team. In the middle of the demonstration, an unexpected but very real surge of energy hit my jet and it began to turn the entire formation — like a giant hand lifting up my left wing. During the debrief it became obvious the surge came from the rate of closure and end-game proximity of my left wingman. He was so close that he caused that wing to become more efficient and produce more lift than the one on the right. That was the moment I realized it wasn’t just a feeling I was being carried by the team around me; the surge was real. Just like stock car racers on the track at Daytona, we were drafting. The more I thought about it, the more I could see drafting’s effects everywhere, and the thought would change the way I looked at the world around me.
How can understanding the phenomenon of drafting help a leader?
In racing, the concept of drafting is based on a leader cutting a path through the air for those behind him, and a trailer being close enough to the leader’s bumper to shift the drag from the leader’s bumper to his own. That same concept was alive on the Thunderbirds in the air — and on the ground.
Every unit within our organization was minimally manned, and each relied on the others to help execute its role. Our amazing people were lined up, bumper to bumper, taking the weight, the drag off the individuals and elements in front of them, while they plowed the path for those in trail.
Once you realize the impact closure can have on your team, you’ll see drafting everywhere you look. Cyclists in the Tour de France, the V formations of migrating geese, even ducklings on a pond will make you realize how your actions can cause gaps to close or expand, and accelerate or slow your organization down. That dwell time will give you an understanding of the positive impact, or the repercussions of your actions, before you put them in play.
Drafting makes leadership something you can see.
“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” -Abraham Lincoln
Actors, sports figures, musicians, and even a former United States President have been doused in ice-cold water in recent days. If you haven’t witnessed this, you may be enjoying a summer on a remote island with no connection to any media. For those of us who have watched this phenomenon take off, we may ask what lessons we can all learn from it all.
Why did this take off? What is it about this campaign that made people act?
The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge is for a meaningful purpose: to raise money to find a cure for a devastating and fatal disease called amyotrophic lateral sclerosis or Lou Gehrig’s disease. The financial results are stunning. If the challenge were not tied directly to a bigger purpose, it would have failed. Not many people would participate without an important cause. It’s hard to turn down a challenge with a purpose.
“An idea spreads faster when purpose is married to challenge.” -Skip Prichard
Technology has changed everything. It’s easy to record a video, upload it to a social media account, and see what happens. The video brings multiple senses and emotions into play. We can see our friends’ reaction to the water; we can almost feel the cold of the ice; we hear the laughter in the background. It’s a powerful multi-sensory appeal. When you add the emotional appeal of the cause, the call to action becomes almost irresistible.
“An idea spreads faster when more senses are involved in the call to action.” -Skip Prichard
The challenge has a uniquely personal appeal. One person challenges others to join in. Instead of merely forwarding an email or sharing something on social media, it demands participation. That’s where it becomes uniquely personal. If this challenge were a cookie-cutter replication, it would not spread. It’s the personal spin that draws us in. Bill Gates didn’t just have water thrown on him; he sat down and designed a better way to execute. The personality of each participant shines through.
“An idea spreads faster when personalized.” -Skip Prichard
You may naturally think that as the CEO of a book company that I am going to suggest giving a book. Well, that’s always a great idea, but I have found something that I think is even better, even cheaper, and even more enduring.