The Genius of Opposites: Extroverts and Introverts

How Introverts and Extroverts Achieve Extraordinary Results Together

 

  • “I don’t understand extroverts. She is so out there.”
  • “I don’t know what he is thinking. What is bothering him?”
  • “How do I break through to her?”
  • “Was that a conclusion or is he thinking out loud?”

 

As an extrovert married to an introvert, I have long been interested in what makes an effective partnership between very different people.  I’ve learned that I’m far from alone and that many successful duos are two people with different styles and approaches. Whether a married couple or a business partnership, it is possible to adapt and develop a winning partnership. Learning to leverage each other’s strengths and capitalize on your differences can improve your results.

Author and speaker Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD is known as the “champion for introverts.” I recently talked with her about her research and her new book, The Genius of Opposites: How Introverts and Extroverts Achieve Extraordinary Results Together.  She has developed a system designed to help opposites stop emphasizing the differences and instead drive toward results.

 

“Relationships are most successful when opposites stop focusing on differences.” -Dr Kahnweiler

 

Famous Opposites

Would you share a few examples of famous opposites?

Sure, there are many. The Wright Brothers, Venus and Serena Williams, Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, Mark Zuckerberg and Sheryl Sandberg, Penn and Teller, Siskel and Ebert, Teddy Roosevelt and William Howard Taft, Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak.

 

Sticking Points

What most bothers introverts about extroverts and vice versa?

There are a lot of disconnects on both sides. Introverts think extroverts are changing their minds and don’t have clear thinking when they toss out ideas. But they are just releasing their energy, and they get charged up that way. They are just downloading ideas.

Introverts also wonder why extroverts need so much going on. They think extroverts don’t have enough self-discipline to just be there and get work done. Introverts judge that a lot. But extroverts like more stimulation, and the juggling makes them energized and engaged. They get their work done, just in spurts.Jennifer Kahnweiler headshot

Other misfirings in their wiring? Being private (introverts) vs. being an open book (extroverts) causes challenges. Introverts want to get to know you slowly and warm up to you. Extroverts feel excluded when introverts don’t share and get tired of pulling answers out of introverts who don’t offer much info during conversations.

Introverts crave quiet time for recharging, creativity and decompression and are frustrated when extroverts don’t let them have it. Like a teenage boy, my introverted husband Bill keeps a sign on the door that says, “Do Not Disturb.” He means it, too!

 

A Model for Bringing Us Together

Opposites can form a strong partnership if they follow your ABCDE model. How did you develop this approach? Is one part more difficult for an extrovert or introvert?

I interviewed over 40 sets of opposite partners and key themes emerged. I asked them to explore the successes and struggles they had in working with their opposite partner. Because they spoke with me or wrote me separately, some unique perspectives emerged. I also read about figures from sports, entertainment and science. I learned that the success factors crossed over fields and roles.

I think the challenges we face in opposite pairings are equally difficult for introverts and extroverts. And if we are honest about it, we each drive each other crazy from time to time!

Extraordinary Results

“Genius opposites do not just ‘happen’.” -Jennifer Kahnweiler

 

How Opposites React to Stress

How do opposites react to major stress?

Leading From The Shadows

When I first became the CEO of a large global company, I could see how dependent I was on others.  My own efforts would be meaningless without many others supporting me.  The top job is often the one in the brightest spotlight, but that person’s success or failure is always the result of a team effort.  Usually a very small group—or even one individual—takes on the key supportive role.

Many people dream of becoming President or the leader of the organization.  Some people realize that they are best suited and happier in a supportive role or as number two.

 

“Success is best defined by yourself, not by others.” -Richard Hytner

 

When #2 is the Key to Success

 

Richard Hytner is deputy chairman of Saatchi & Saatchi, responsible for global strategy and innovation.  His recent book, Consiglieri: Leading from the Shadows, is a celebration of the No. 2 role.  This book made an impression on me because I am dependent on the “No. 2’s” and now better understand the role and the motivations.  I also feel better equipped to coach people who are either not looking for the “No. 1” role or are best suited for the supportive jobs.

Richard was kind enough to answer a few questions for me about his journey.

Richard, becoming No. 1, you argue, is not always the key to success.  Why not?

Success is best defined by yourself, not by others.  So, if becoming the No. 1 is really important to you, give it a go, see how happy it makes you feel and assess – candidly – how others respond to your leadership from a position of ultimate accountability.  You can, however, be enormously successful on your own terms leading from positions other than the overall No. 1, achieving great things and deriving deep personal satisfaction.  Get rid of the No. 1 and No. 2 in your head and simply weigh each job as an opportunity to test every leadership muscle, not only the one that makes the final decision.

image004Tell me about your personal journey.  When did you realize that being less than “No. 1” was where you would be happier and more successful?

I learned early in my career that leadership is a collective endeavor and, as a CEO, I always surrounded myself with the smartest possible people.  It was only when I took a year out, aged 43, to do the Sloan Fellowship program at London Business School that it dawned on me how many brilliant people there were enjoying significant accountability in roles other than the CEO.  Even though it took me a further three years as CEO of Saatchi & Saatchi EMEA to work out that I could and should try leading without the authority of a Chief Executive, it was at London Business School that I woke up or, rather, grew up.

 

“Develop a reputation for being a thinker and a doer, or you will run out of usefulness fast.” -Richard Hytner

 

Understanding Different Leadership Types

 

You define “A” leaders as accountable for the enterprise and “C” leaders as the Consiglieri who counsel, support, and deliver for the A.  What are a few differences of what you term “A” and “C” leaders?