This is a guest post by Jane Thompson. Jane is a writer and content manager for Uphours, an online resource with information about businesses. She loves running and reading history books, especially about World War II and the Middle Ages.
We live in a world where powerful leaders are capable of accomplishing great things. No one is born a leader – it’s something that people of worthy character grow to be through their experiences. Everyone deserves to be equipped with the leadership skills they need to make a positive impact in the world. Your children are never too young to learn the foundations of what leadership means.
Here are six ways to develop leadership skills in your children:
1. Increase Access to Information
Many parents feel the need to shelter their children, or censor them from a lot of things. Rather than cutting off access to that information, try to explain it in an age-appropriate way. If there’s a troubling issue happening in the world, allowing your child to see that and understand why an issue is troubling may inspire innovative thinking. Children are the heroes of the future, and you can’t lead the world without that kind of brainpower.
“Today a reader, tomorrow a leader.” -Margaret Fuller
This may feel counterintuitive, but it may be the best thing for your household. Rather than relying on the failsafe “because I said so” response, explain why. Allow your child to ask further questions and barter. Their bartering points won’t always work, but allow them to win these debates when there isn’t much at stake. This will teach your child to negotiate, which is a crucial skill for a leader.
“Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.”-Voltaire
Group activities allow children to understand how a hierarchy works, particularly if roles within these groups shift. Perhaps every child has a turn to choose the activity for team playdates. Children are most likely to select something they feel they’re good at. Everyone will have a chance to learn, and everyone will have a chance to teach. Good leaders need to be willing to learn from others.
After enlisting in the Marines Ken Marlin worked his way up to become a captain and infantry commander. After the Marines, Ken has led a technology company and finally an investment bank on Wall Street.
Be prepared to walk away from the table. This is a great place to start. Do you have an example of when someone wasn’t willing to walk away and how that hurt them?
I have many examples both positive and negative. That’s because negotiating is much more about psychology than logic – and it has very little to do with finance. The negative examples aren’t fun to talk about. But we have had clients who simply weren’t willing to walk away from a prospective deal. Inevitably the other side took advantage. One that comes to mind resulted in a sale that I strongly advised against. Our client was a seller. The price offered seemed quite strong, on the surface. It was significantly higher in total value than those we received from other bidders – but a significant portion of the price was to be paid over three years based on the company’s future earnings. We’ve worked with so-called “earn-out” structures before and often they are fine. But, in this particular case, I believed that the upfront portion of the purchase price was much too low and the protections for my client post-deal were too weak. We pushed back of course, but the buyer touted the total value of the potential deal and was unwilling to move. I advised my client to walk away and negotiate with one of the other bidders – leaving the door open for the first one to get more reasonable. But my client was also focused on the total theoretical value and – perhaps – a bit too sure of himself and his own abilities. He was not willing to negotiate hard – and take the risk of losing this deal. He took the deal. The results were predictable. Within a year the senior management of my client’s company were out – and the sellers never received most of the earn-out. There were lawsuits. But the lawyers are about the only ones who came out ahead.
“Discipline is critical to proper preparation.” –Ken Marlin
There must be less depressing examples of the where the approach did work.
Sure, there are lots. For example, a few years ago, we had a VC-controlled client that had been negotiating the sale of their company for months with a very qualified buyer before they came to us for help. The offer was all-cash at a fair price by any measure. At the same time, it was clear that the buyer would merge the organizations and fire at least half of my client’s personnel. The VCs were mostly interested in the money, but they were sympathetic to the CEO’s desire to protect his people. The CEO had tried to negotiate, but the buyer said that their offer was “best and final” and would expire in 3 weeks. Further, the buyer said that if there were any solicitation of other bidders, they would walk from the table. The buyer was using their leverage better than my client. They assumed that the VCs would not risk losing a high all-cash offer.
I told my client that they could not negotiate if the other side perceived that they were unwilling to walk from the table. Otherwise we would just be begging. We knew that if we solicited other bids we might lose the first buyer, but that was a risk we had to take to improve the terms. My client agreed to take the risk. Once we had other bids coming in and the first buyer saw that they might lose the deal, they materially improved the cash portion of their offer. But they put even more emphasis on cost reductions. Fortunately, we had identified another interested bidder, and we were able to use our leverage – including the specter of sale to the original buyer – to obtain an offer for more money and protections for the employees. That was win-win.
About a year ago we had a similar experience internally, as the lease on our office space was expiring. We were the sole occupant of the top floor of a prestigious New York office tower. It had terraces, great light and views, and it was all built to our specifications. We were willing to stay. But the landlord asked for a rent increase that was clearly above market. He may have assumed that we would not walk away. We pushed back. We showed him that rent for comparable spaces was lower. But logic did not work. He declined to offer more than a pittance. So we went out and found another great space and used the specter of staying in the original space as leverage to negotiate great terms with the new building. When the first landlord saw that we were willing to walk from the table, he finally got reasonable. But it was too late. We moved to the new space. We love it.
“Staying safely at your home port is narrow thinking.” –Ken Marlin
Tell the truth. I love this one as part of your rules. What’s the Marine definition of lying?
I’m not saying that you can’t lie to an enemy who is trying to kill you or your friends. This is about negotiating in normal business environments – or in Marine environments when you are negotiating with so-called “friendlies” (such as local villagers). In this context, the Marine definition of lying goes beyond the standard definition of asserting something as fact that you know to be otherwise. It includes making statements – or failing to make statements – as part of an express intent to deceive. It’s an extension of the concept that my word is my bond – with a focus on being honest with those who expect that of you. Reputations are built over time and will outlast the negotiations at hand. A reputation as a liar will eventually catch up to you.
Negotiation Tip: don’t make promises that will be challenging to keep.
So in that context, how do you bluff in negotiating? Doesn’t everyone bluff?
It’s true that, in my business, many people bluff. And more than a few lie. Lying is always bad. Bluffing usually is. It is also dangerous if your bluff is called. It can cost the loss of major negotiating points – and sometimes kill the deal. That’s why I prefer the truth.
“Discipline can help ensure successful execution.” –Ken Marlin
Recognize when you have leverage-and when you don’t.How do you know what the leverage each side has? How does this impact your deal making?
In the Marines, leverage comes from a combination of superior force combined with moral certainty. Moral certainty was one of the key ingredients in how Americans won the Revolution against the superior forces of the British Empire. It was key to winning World War II, and it was also key to the US losing the War in Vietnam. Sure, there are many exceptions where superior force trumped all. See the Russians in Chechnya. But 150 years later, that war isn’t completely over yet. In deal making, the best leverage comes from a combination of being on the moral high ground and being willing to walk from the table. That leverage increases the more the other side wants to get the deal done. It’s usually not hard to recognize. In the book I relay a vignette about the CEO of a very large firm that had made an offer to acquire our client’s company. After we shook hands on what appeared to be a very fair purchase price, he began to dictate deal terms – and even to change some that had previously been agreed. The CEO acted as if he had all the leverage, when actually, by his bullying tactics, he had squandered the moral high ground. He was then left with the assumption that my client was desperate to complete the deal. They weren’t that desperate. The CEO was surprised when we walked from the table.
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.” –Sun Tzu
Remember the peace. Most non-military experts will pause on this one. What does it mean and why is it so important?
Most statesman learned long ago that after most wars end, there is wisdom in finding a way for the formerly warring parties to live with each other. After the Civil War came what was supposed to be reconstruction. After WWII came the Marshall plan. When people forget that basic rule of remembering the peace, it can be bad. That’s what the allies did after World War I, forcing impossible reparations on the Germans. The result was resentment that fermented and eventually boiled over. And then we got World War II. The consequences of scorched earth policies in business negotiations may not be quite as dire. But still, the smart move is to recognize that the completion of a transaction is usually not the end of anything. It is a phase point, after which it is better if the formerly battling parties (buyer and seller) can continue to work and live with each other in peace and harmony. Otherwise, life is long, resentment ferments, and bad things may happen.
9 Negotiation Rules from Ken Marlin
Rule 1: Be prepared to walk away from the table.
Rule 2: Know where you are going.
Rule 3: Recognize when you have leverage—and when you don’t.
Rule 4: Tell the truth.
Rule 5: Remember the peace.
Rule 6: Negotiate big things before little things.
All of us have some negative qualities, make mistakes, and mess up. After all, “We’re only human.”
But bad managers seem to collect these traits faster than a hoarder fills a house. If you are working for someone and find yourself nodding vigorously as you read this list, you officially have a bad boss.
What traits would you add to the list?
Everything is about him. Not the organizational goals, but his bonus. Not about the team, but about his individual performance. “How I look” is more important than anything else.
“Leaders enjoy giving credit to others.” -Skip Prichard
You work all night to get it done. Instead of praising you, you find your name removed and her name prominently at the top. She basks in the light of your success and barely acknowledges your contribution.
“Leaders create results by letting others shine.” -Skip Prichard
Threats and intimidation mark the way he manages. You are not asked; you are bullied.
What seems obvious to everyone else, she misses. Her effect on people is something that she completely misses. She never comes back and apologizes or corrects a misunderstanding because she is just not aware of her impact.
Sure, everyone needs to manage up. But, he does it exclusively. His boss loves him. Everyone else sees that he sucks up so much that he has little time for anything else.
You are frequently wrong, but she never is. She can never admit a mistake because it would threaten her self-esteem.
“Freely admitting mistakes is a sign of leadership.” -Skip Prichard