4 Steps to Managing Your Self-Talk

self talk

Managing Your Self-Talk

Self-talk is not often covered as a leadership topic, but Erika Andersen cites it as one of the most important skills to master.

Erika Andersen is the founding partner of Proteus, a firm that focuses on leader readiness. She’s the author of three other books:  Leading So People Will FollowBeing Strategic, and Growing Great Employees. All of her books are full of actionable advice from her three decades of advising and coaching executives.

I recently spoke with her about her tips to manage our internal conversations.

 

Leadership Tip: listening and mastering self-talk are critical skills for leaders.

 

Let’s talk about managing your self-talk. How important is managing self-talk?

Critically important. If I had to name the two most valuable skills I’ve learned over the past thirty years, I’d pick listening and managing my self-talk. It’s enormously powerful to be able to recognize and shift how you’re talking to yourself about yourself and your circumstances. It allows you to have much more control over how you respond to what happens within you and around you.

 

4 Steps 

You give 4 steps to managing it: Recognize. Record. Rethink. Repeat. 

Yes, here’s how it works:

Recognize: In order to manage your self-talk, you have to “hear” it. Unless you’re aware of this internal monologue, it’s impossible to change it. For instance, let’s say you’re feeling incurious about something you need to learn. You notice your mental voice saying, This is so boring – I can’t possibly focus on this enough to learn it. Once you start attending to the voice in your head, and recognizing what it’s saying, you can begin to do something about it.

 

Success Tip: writing down your self-talk is a key part of managing it.

Leadership and Life Lessons from Cal Turner, Jr.

Click above to watch our video interview.

 

Small-Town Values that Power a Multi-Billion Dollar Company

 

You likely have heard of Dollar General. It’s a retail powerhouse generating over $20B in revenue from its more than 14,000 stores.

Though he would never take an ounce of credit, Cal Turner, Jr. was the driving force behind the massive growth and success of the retailing giant. The leadership transition from his father, and later to non-family leadership, is told brilliantly in My Father’s Business: The Small-Town Values that Built Dollar General into a Billion-Dollar Company. Cal Turner’s new book is a mix of autobiography and business advice.

Even if you don’t run a business, you will find the book a compelling read. It is full of life lessons that will encourage and challenge you.

Having lived in Nashville for a number of years, I can vouch for the fact that the Turner family is well-known for their philanthropic work and for living out their servant leadership values. I’m not going to pretend that I’m not a raving fan of his philosophy, his giving, and his leadership. I have been for years. So, it was a great honor for me to talk with Cal Turner, Jr. about his family, his business, and about his leadership.

I hope you enjoy our conversation which spanned all of these topics. His book is proudly within grasp on my bookshelf.

 

Cal Turner, Jr. grew up in Scottsville, Kentucy. After graduating from Vanderbilt University, he served for three years in the United States Navy before beginning a career at Dollar General. He served as CEO for 37 years. In that time, stores rose from 150 to over 6,000 and sales from $40 million to more than $6 billion. He has served on numerous boards and has received more awards than can be listed here. He is a shining example of servant leadership long after his retirement.

 

my father's business

“A leader inspires someone to go for his or her best.” -Cal Turner, Jr.

 

“A leader is one who helps others to want to dig deeper into themselves and to be part of a success that’s bigger than they are.” -Cal Turner, Jr.

 

“Our mission is not to make money and I don’t believe the CEO who describes his mission as making money is fully worthy of his responsibility.” -Cal Turner, Jr.

 

“Leadership exists when an organization overcomes having a boss or a boss mentality. A boss only gets results; a leader gets development.” -Cal Turner, Jr.

 

“People will forgive you for anything before they’ll forgive you for being successful.” -Cal Turner, Sr.

 

For more information, see My Father’s Business: The Small-Town Values that Built Dollar General into a Billion-Dollar Company.

Leading with Dignity

Dignity

Lead with Dignity

When a copy of Leading with Dignity landed on my desk, I was intrigued for a couple reasons. First, the author, Donna Hicks PhD, did not fit the profile of a typical business management book author. Her background is in international conflict resolution—she has, for 25 years—worked in some of the most conflict-ridden areas of the world, including Northern Ireland, with Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Syria, and the Middle East.  What is a conflict resolution specialist doing writing a book about business leadership?  I wondered and was excited to learn more. I love learning from non-traditional approaches and a different perspective.

Second, the word “dignity” intrigued me. Dignity can be perceived as a soft, abstract idea. It’s not a standard buzzword in conversations about workplace and company culture. Yet, Hicks says that an understanding of dignity and how to honor it is an essential role to good leadership. In the book, she highlights three components of leading with dignity: what one must know in order to honor dignity and avoid violating it; what one must do to lead with dignity; and how one can create a culture of dignity in any organization, whether corporate, religious, governmental, healthcare, or beyond.

She uses hundreds of interviews, research in psychology, and real-life case studies to illustrate how leaders and managers can better understand dignity and transform their workplaces.

We spoke about her research.

 

“The most toxic workplaces in which I have consulted are those with unaddressed and unacknowledged dignity violations and the gossip network is alive and functioning well.” -Donna Hicks

 

Born to be Vulnerable

What’s your definition of dignity? What does it look like to treat someone with dignity?leading with dignity book cover

My definition of dignity is simple; it is our inherent value and worth.  We are all born with it.  At the same time, we are born vulnerable to having it injured, just like a physical injury.  From my research, I have developed the Ten Elements of Dignity, ten ways to honor it in ourselves and others:  Acceptance of Identity–people want to be treated well no matter their race, religion, ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation; recognition—for their hard work and a job well done; safety—make people feel safe both physically and psychologically so they feel free from humiliation;  acknowledgment—for the suffering they have endured if treated badly; fairness—to be treated in an even-handed way; inclusion—make people feel a sense of belonging; understanding—don’t rush to judgment; give people a chance to share their perspective; independence—avoid micro-managing; benefit of the doubt—treat people as if they were trustworthy; and accountability—apologize when you have caused someone harm.

 

“The most exciting breakthroughs of the twenty-first century will not occur because of technology, but because of an expanding concept of what it means to be human.” -John Naisbitt

 

What do most people get wrong when thinking about it?

The most common misconception about dignity is that it is the same as respect.  Dignity and respect are very different.  Dignity is something we are born with—our inherent value and worth.  We don’t have to do anything to have dignity. Every human being deserves to be treated with dignity, no matter what they do.  Respect, on the other hand, has to be earned.  If I say I respect someone, she or he has done something special to deserve my admiration.  I say to myself, “I want to be like that person. She is a role model for me.”

 

“The price of greatness is responsibility.” -Winston Churchill

 

Protect Other’s Dignity