What if your closest friend is someone you haven’t met?

teacup

Image courtesy of istockphoto/Greensquared

There’s an old story I want to share.  Like most old tales, I’ve heard it told in various forms.  True or not, the point is a good one.

There was once a university professor who visited a Japanese Zen master (I’ve also heard this was a Buddhist monk, but you get the point).  The professor wanted to learn more about Zen.

After welcoming his visitor, the Zen master asked if he would enjoy some tea.

Knowing he should accept, the professor smiled and thanked the Zen master for his generosity.

The Zen master disappeared and then quickly reappeared with two cups and some steaming tea.  The master smiled back as he poured tea into the cup.  The professor watched the cup fill, and continued to watch as it overflowed.  He put his hand up and exclaimed, “Stop!  It’s overflowing.  You’re wasting the tea and no more can fit in the cup!”

The Zen master nodded and calmly explained.  “You are here to ask questions.  Yet you come full.  You have your own ideas and have no space.  Until you have room for more, you will not accept new information.”

How Full is Your Cup?

It’s a powerful reminder about preconceptions.  We all too often have such strongly held opinions that we are not really able to take in all of the new information.  That part is obvious.

But today I thought about the story in a different way.  What if, instead of ideas, we thought about our relationships?  How many of us think, “I have enough friends.  I have no room for any more.”  We hit a certain age and we are comfortable with the people around us.  What do we lose by not making room for new people in our lives? 

In the course of my career, I’ve moved to different cities.  I’ve noticed that it can be difficult to move into a new area.  You are forced to let some relationships go.  Even with technology, it’s difficult to maintain long-distance relationships in the same way as when you live close by.  At the same time, you are forced to seek new connections with people.  And that’s when you notice this phenomenon.  Sometimes people have no room for new friends.  You can reach out, but they don’t have any space for a new relationship.

All of us have limited time.  It’s not possible to have an unlimited number of very close friends.  But, I don’t ever want to cut myself off from people.  Some of the people I would describe as life-long friends are people I’ve only met since I moved here to Nashville.  I’m so glad that they welcomed me into their lives.  And I’m glad I made room for them.

Take time in your life to make room for new friends.  You may find that some new ideas and new relationships provide unexpected returns.  What if your closest friend in the world is someone you haven’t met yet?

 

What do you think? Do you make time for new friends? What can you do to welcome someone new at work or into your community? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
Please note: Your e-mail address will not be displayed. I do reserve the right to delete comments. See my comments policy.

  • Pingback: What Some Birds Taught Me About Friendship

  • Vikki-boyd

    My best friend is actually someone I have never met and possibly never will

    • http://www.skipprichard.com/ Skip Prichard

      Be open and you may find someone who will be a great friend.

  • http://www.johngallagherblog.com John Gallagher

    Skip,  Thanks for sharing.  The ‘tea-ching’ you received was wise. 

    • http://www.skipprichard.com/ Skip Prichard

       Nice use of words, John.  Thanks!

  • http://bellavidabyletty.blogspot.com/ BellaVida

    Nice story.  I’m learning to be more open to new friendships.  Seems I was busy focusing on things rather than people.  

    • http://www.skipprichard.com/ Skip Prichard

      A true friend endures. Things wear out. Thanks for stopping by.

  • http://twitter.com/djmcknight David McKnight

    I could not help but to draw this analogy….

    What if that new job you want will come from someone you don’t know yet? 

    One of the most common pieces of advise that job seekers get is to leverage your existing network.  Well what they really mean is to build a new network of new contacts because your best leads won’t come from people you know, but people you don’t yet know.  

    And the added benefit of that effort is as Skip points out – it also makes you more open to building new friends.   Meeting someone that is upbeat,  excited and open to explore new opportunities is contagious…most people want to help and be part of that excitement.

    There are only so many jobs to “apply for” and only a small percentage are advertised.  Spend 2/3′s of your “search efforts” connecting with new people….not  rewriting your resume for the 50′th time.

    • http://www.skipprichard.com/ Skip Prichard

       True words, David on job hunting. True friends come into your life who aren’t looking for anything at all, and that’s when it is really special. And you also just never know who will help you accomplish something from a job search to learning a new skill.  Thanks for this.

  • http://www.nginaotiende.blogspot.com/ Ngina Otiende

    How true Skip. My husband and I moved continents a few months ago. You’ve just explained the very thing we’ve been going through when it comes to relationships – letting go and embracing the new.  We are at that place of admitting that even with technology, our former relationships will ever be  the same again. And that we have this yawning chasm in our lives where our friends used to occupy..how to fill it up again in a new land of new people? It’s really just incredible how tightly coiled we become, the older we get. Takes seasons of serious shaking to loosen us up! 

    Thanks for this post. Insightful thoughts.

    • http://www.skipprichard.com/ Skip Prichard

       I agree. It’s why change can be wonderful. But you have to expect that shaking to occur.  Thanks for the comment.

  • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

    I try to make time for new friends. It’s one way that we continue to grow and expand our horizons. 

    • http://www.skipprichard.com/ Skip Prichard

       You definitely do that, Joe.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mariansl Marian Sunie Levin

    You are never too old to make new friends.  You need to be pro active as they won’t come looking for you.

    • http://www.skipprichard.com/ Skip Prichard

       So true. And keep searching if you don’t succeed.

  • Nina

    I love this post Skip! So true. I’m so blessed that many of my closest friends are also people I work with which makes work even more fulfilling.

    • http://www.skipprichard.com/ Skip Prichard

       That’s so true. It makes your job so much better.

  • http://cindyhirch.com/ Cindy Hirch

    Skip – Whenever I’m presented with the opportunity to connect with people I wholeheartedly embrace the possibility that a new relationship can be formed. In the least likely places I’ve been blessed to meet some awesome folks where deep friendships have developed.  From a missions trip to Ghana West Africa, the opportunity to attend a local conference, an online discussion group, or a community of  believers have all been wonderful platforms to meet others.

    • http://www.skipprichard.com/ Skip Prichard

       And even online! Thanks for being open to new blogging friends.

  • Lillie Rainey

    Wise words. Due to very social hobbies and friends who love to throw parties, I’m blessed to have many very dear and precious friends. Yes, it takes a bit of work to keep up with them all, but they are my wealth in life and they increase the happiness and love in my life immeasurably.  The only downfall is that I don’t have a house big enough to put them all in when I want to have a party!

    • http://www.skipprichard.com/ Skip Prichard

       Just pick the friend with the biggest house and head over there! :)

  • Steve Pate

    Adding a new friend to your life is like adding a new color to your personal rainbow.

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      I love what you just wrote Steve!

      • http://www.skipprichard.com/ Skip Prichard

         Me too!

  • @amanda_fanger

    I like this story. Sometimes we all get so caught up in our lives that we aren’t willing to take a chance reaching out to new people, afraid that new connections will just be a drain on us. We tend to forget that, as much as there’s a chance they’ll drain us, there’s a chance that they’ll be able to help pick us up when we need someone to lean on. Thanks for this reminder!

    • http://www.skipprichard.com/ Skip Prichard

       Isn’t that the truth? I like your perspective on this.

  • http://successbeginstoday.org/wordpress John Richardson

    Insightful post, Skip. As a long distance commuter most of my life, I have developed many friendships at work, but found that they can become impractical over the weekends. For instance, if I throw a party at my house, it’s unrealistic to expect my work friends to drive 40 miles to get there. Since we go to church near our home, we end up with local church friends and distant work friends. To make it even more complicated, my wife and I used to commute in different directions. She worked in Orange county, I worked in San Diego county and we lived in Riverside county. We really had to up the ante to get our friends to come to our parties… :-)

    • http://www.skipprichard.com/ Skip Prichard

       John, you must have had to hire a circus to attract people that far in traffic.  Thanks for the perspective and your story.

  • Skip Cohen

    Skip, you’re right on the money. This is the reason I’ve written so much about the importance of networking. New people bring new ideas to the table and the conversation between two photographers who are meeting for the first time creates an opportunity for both to improve their “game”.  As a new friend of mine, I really appreciate your post this morning.  

    Skip Cohen (AKA one of the other “Skips” on the planet)

    • http://www.skipprichard.com/ Skip Prichard

       Skip, first, I must say you have a great name!  Second, I really appreciate it and like your blog. It’s filled with great information.  I’m still learning the blogging world and appreciate your perspective.