How to Spot the Telltale Signs of a Lie

 

How do you know if you are being deceived?

Do you want to know when someone is lying to you?

 

“Lie spotters are armed with scientific knowledge on how to spot deception.” –Pamela Meyer

 

Pamela Meyer will help you spot a liar. She’s the author of Liespotting and a Certified Fraud Examiner.

 

Surprising Facts about Lies

Some interesting facts about lies:

  • We lie more to strangers than to our coworkers.
  • Extroverts lie more than introverts.
  • We learn to lie as babies by faking cries for attention.
  • The more intelligent the species, the more they are apt to lie.
  • We are lied to on average between 10 and 200 times per day.

Pamela tells one particular story that grabbed my attention. Koko, a gorilla, loved cats and was given a kitten. On one particularly destructive day, Koko managed to rip her sink right out of the wall. When asked about it, Koko signed to her humans that the kitten had done it. Amazing.

 

“The essence of lying is in deception, not words.” –John Ruskin

 

The Telltale Signs of a Lie

What are some telltale signs of a liar?

Meyer touches on some patterns of deception including verbal dodging and body language slips.

Verbal dodging includes:

  • repeating the question
  • telling a story in strict chronological order
  • offering irrelevant details

But lies are not only verbal; we can have body language slips. Meyer explains that liars:

  • chatter with their fingertips
  • shrug their shoulders
  • freeze their upper bodies
  • say yes and shake their head no
  • shift their blinking rate
  • give an overabundance of eye contact
  • show a smug smirk on their face when lying (which she calls duping delight)
  • point feet to the exit
  • place barrier objects between them and the interviewer

And a cautionary note. Most of us may read the book or watch the video, but that likely doesn’t qualify us to know for “certain.” Be careful when making your own conclusions.

Still, it was a fascinating view into a world I knew little about. These signs are not proof of deception, per se, but she says to watch when you see clusters of them appearing together.

 

“In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” –George Orwell

 

Interested in learning more on how to spot a liar? Check out Meyer’s book Liespotting: Proven Techniques to Detect Deception.

 

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3 Secrets to Cut Your Meeting Time in Half

3 Secrets to Cut Your Meeting Time in Half Photo

Photo courtesy of iStockphoto/diego_cervo

Make Meetings More Effective

How many meetings do you find yourself in without a clear objective? Do you get stressed in the meeting knowing that the real work is building up while you are stuck? Does the meeting organizer fool anyone when he is unprepared?

 

“People who enjoy meetings should not be in charge of anything.”  –Thomas Sewell

 

Years ago, I was introduced to the concept of the “three P’s” at a Wilson Learning sales training seminar. It was introduced as an effective sales tool. Throughout the years, I have used the three P’s as a way to conduct effective meetings of any kind.  It isn’t just a sales technique.  It can be a way to save a lot of time and energy and focus the meeting on the objective.

 

“The least productive people are usually the ones who are most in favor of holding meetings.”  –Thomas Sewell

 

Use the 3P’s to Get More Done In Less Time

What are the three P’s?  Purpose.  Process.  Payoff.

You Don’t Need A Title To Be A Leader

Title Does Not Equal Leader

Titles are less important than ever before. I’ve long believed that personal power is far more impactful than positional power.

My friend Mark Sanborn has advanced this idea for years. His definition of leadership is broad, one that encompasses everyone in an organization. A leader is someone who helps “people and organizations surpass themselves,” he says, adding that the test of leadership is whether “anything or anyone is better because of you.”You-Dont-Need-a-Title-to-Be-a-Leader-135x200

Mark knows leadership. In addition to his bestselling books, he is one of the most in-demand speakers on leadership, customer service and team building.

Recently, I had the opportunity to talk with Mark about all things leadership. This 10 minute video interview is a great reminder of some of the most important leadership principles. We discuss the definition of leadership and two of the biggest pitfalls leaders face.

Remember: You Don’t Need a Title to Be a Leader.

 

Leadership Quotes

Some of my favorite Mark Sanborn quotes include:

 

“Leadership is the ability to help people and organizations surpass themselves.” -Mark Sanborn

 

“The test of leadership is, is anything or anyone better because of you?”-Mark Sanborn

 

“Leadership is about movement and growth.”-Mark Sanborn

 

“Leadership always benefits the greater good.”-Mark Sanborn

 

“Good leaders make heroes of others.”-Mark Sanborn

If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else.”

Yogi Berra

9 Habits of Trustworthiness

The Trusted Executive
This is a guest post by John Blakey. His new book, The Trusted Executive: Nine Leadership Habits That Inspire Results, Relationships, and Reputation, is a must read for leaders who want to inspire trust and achieve results.

 

9 Habits of Trustworthiness

As a coach, I am interested in helping leaders be more effective rather than more knowledgeable. Sometimes gaining new knowledge is part of the formula that gets us from A to B, but it is rarely the full answer. As Einstein quipped, ‘In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not’. Consider how many great books you have read and how many excellent training courses you have attended. How many of them entertained you rather than changed you? If we wish to go beyond corporate entertainment, then we have to commit to the hard yards of executive practice. However, even more than this, we have first to believe that it is possible to change at all.

Trusted Executive JacketAll the CEOs I interviewed for my book, The Trusted Executive: Nine Leadership Habits That Inspire Results, Relationships, and Reputation, were asked the question, ‘How do you build trustworthiness?’ One of them replied, ‘I am not sure this is the right question because I don’t think you can build trustworthiness in people. You either have it or you don’t, and so we test for it when we recruit people into the business.’ I am sure other executive leaders would have a similar perspective. Can you really build integrity into someone or is it a fixed trait of character that defies further development? This argument reminds me of Churchill’s famous words about optimism: ‘I suppose I am an optimist; there seems little point in being anything else’. So my glib answer to those who believe that trustworthiness is a fixed character trait would be to say, ‘I suppose I believe that anyone can grow and change in profound ways; as a leader there seems little point in believing anything else.’

 

“It is required of stewards that they be found trustworthy.” -Paul of Tarsus

 

Dr. Carole Dweck of Stanford University provides a more rigorous assessment of this question in her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Dr. Dweck has spent decades studying achievement and success in students. She has concluded that we have one of two mind-sets at any point in time: growth or fixed. Someone with a fixed mind-set believes that talents and traits are fixed and unchangeable. They believe that if someone is not good at something, there is no point in trying harder as their ability will not change. This mind-set gets in the way of learning, since challenges are seen as threatening. In contrast, people with a growth mind-set believe that abilities and talents are cultivated through effort. People with this attitude welcome a challenge and they create an inner resilience in the face of obstacles. Dr. Dweck concludes that, ‘the more we know that basic human abilities can be grown, the more it becomes a basic human right for all kids and all adults to live in environments that create that growth’.

Used by permission. Used by permission.

I assume a growth mind-set. This does not mean it is easy to build trustworthiness, in the same way that it is not easy to run a marathon, but it does mean it is possible. It also reveals that the key to success is not innate ability but superlative motivation. If you know someone who has given up smoking then you know that it is often hard to change a habit, but it is not impossible. New habits come from repetition and practice. And just as Covey had his seven habits of effectiveness, I will shamelessly follow his lead and propose the nine leadership habits that inspire results, relationships and reputation: three habits of ability, three habits of integrity and three habits of benevolence.

A habit is an accumulation of choices. If you want to change a habit, then you have to start making different choices. To change a habit is an act of pure will, which is why it relies upon superlative motivation.

 

“If you want to change a habit, then start making different choices.” -John Blakey

 

9 Leadership habits that inspire results, relationships and reputation