5 Principles of Ultimate Influence

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All of us must learn to influence others. Whether persuading your child to eat broccoli or supervising a team, the ability to influence is important to working with others.

In those situations, do you see the other person as an adversary? Do you resort to manipulation or coercion to try to get what you want?  Or do you understand how to influence and win that person over?

The World’s Greatest Influencers

The greatest influencers are not manipulators. They aren’t pushy. They don’t create animosity. Instead, they seem to win people naturally, effortlessly, making everyone happy with the outcome.

How they do it is the subject of this post.

 

BobBurg

Bob Burg is a speaker, a blogger, and a best selling author. He’s perhaps best known from his many stage appearances as a speaker for large organizations.  You may also know him by his runaway best selling book, The Go-Giver.  I have read all of his books and learned from all of his work.

His latest book is Adversaries into Allies: Win People Over Without Manipulation or Coercion.  It’s one of those books that you cannot stop reading.  I have dog-eared and underlined so much of the book that he likely wouldn’t recognize it if he saw my copy.

There are so many lessons in this book, which reads like a modern day version of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People.  Reading it, I realized that there are dozens of questions to ask Bob.  I chose to focus on the five principles of ultimate influence shared throughout the book.

 

Sometimes the most influential thing we can do is listen. –Bob Burg

 1. Control your own emotions

Bob, I want to ask you a question about each of your five principles to influence and move people to a different thought or action.

The first is to control your own emotions.  Why is controlling your emotions the very first step and why is it harder for some people than others?

Skip, as human beings we are emotional creatures. Sure, in certain ways we are logical, but we are basically driven by our emotions. That’s often very counterproductive. The problem isn’t that we have emotions (emotions are a wonderful part of life), it’s being “controlled by our emotions.” When this is the case we are simply not in a position to think clearly, to think logically and be able to take a negative situation or person and elicit a positive outcome. When we are in control of ourselves and of our emotions, the opposite is true.

For example: If a person says or does something you find offensive, it’s important that you be in control of your emotions and – as Zig Ziglar taught – “respond” rather than “react.” When you react, you are allowing that person (and your emotions) to control you; when you respond, you are in control of yourself and your emotions and are now ready to create an environment for a winning result for everyone involved.

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2. Understand the clash of belief systems

 

Your second principle is to understand the clash of belief systems.  This one may not be as intuitive so please tell me more about it.

A belief is a subjective truth. It’s the truth as we understand the truth to be. But that doesn’t mean it’s “the truth” (though we are usually certain it is). While our belief systems are a combination of upbringing, environment, schooling, news media, television shows, movies, popular culture, societal mores, etc., it is pretty much formed by the time we’re six or seven years old. Some of these beliefs work for us, are productive and helpful, and keep us safe. Most are counterproductive and serve no constructive purpose.

 

Tact is the language of strength. –Mike Burg

 

So, we are pretty much controlled by a belief system we are not even aware we possess. Add on top of that, the person with whom we’re about to have a difficult interpersonal transaction is also controlled by a belief system that they are not even aware they possess. Now add to the mix that as human beings we tend to believe that others think as we think, and you’ve got the makings of a huge clash of belief systems.

We don’t need to understand their belief system; what we do need to understand is that their belief system is most likely much different from ours. Only when we consciously understand that are we in a position to proceed in a way that a mutually beneficial result can occur.

3. Acknowledge their ego

The third principle is to acknowledge their ego.  You say that the “ego is the ultimate driving force in everything people do.”  Give me an example of how to acknowledge ego in a legitimate way with sincerity.

13 Inspirational Quotes by Nelson Mandela

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Today the world says goodbye to Nelson Mandela.  He once said that “When a man has done what he considers to be his duty to his people and his country, he can rest in peace.”  May he rest in peace.

The man who spent 27 years in prison for opposing apartheid before becoming the President of South Africa inspired millions around the world.  Here are 13 inspiring quotes that remind us of his spirit.

 

Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies. –Nelson Mandela

 

It always seems impossible until it’s done. –Nelson Mandela

 

It’s not where you start but how high you aim that matters for success. –Nelson Mandela

 

Lead from the back, and let others believe they are in front. –Nelson Mandela

 

Where you stand depends on where you sit. –Nelson Mandela

 

Education is the most powerful weapon, which you can use to change the world. –Nelson Mandela

 

For to be free is…to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. –Nelson Mandela

 

Tread softly; breathe peacefully; laugh hysterically. –Nelson Mandela

 

Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. –Nelson Mandela

 

Quitting is leading too. –Nelson Mandela

 

Remember to smile. –Nelson Mandela

 

After climbing a great hill, one finds that there are many more hills to climb. –Nelson Mandela

 

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. -Nelson Mandela

 

 

 

Embracing the Tension Between Now and the Next Big Thing

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Lessons in Waiting

Years ago, I remember taking a personality test as part of a leadership class.  The instructor looked up at me and started to explain the results.  She was laughing as she explained my patience level, which was exactly zero on the chart.  Full of positive energy and spin, she showed how patience and a sense of urgency are flip sides of the same trait.  I may not have any patience, but the good news is that I was driven and was full of urgency.

Waiting is not one of my best skills.  If there is a long wait for a table at a restaurant, it is unlikely I will stay.

The best moments are the ones happening right now. -Jeff Goins

Picking up my friend Jeff Goins’ book, The In-Between, I was not even through the introduction when I realized how convicting this book was to me.

“We all want to live meaningful lives full of experiences we can be proud of.  We all want a great story to tell our grandchildren. But many of us fail to recognize that the best moments are the ones happening right now.”

Ahem.  I put the book down, picked up my highlighter, and then read on.

“Maybe the good stuff isn’t ahead of or behind us.  Maybe it’s somewhere in between—right in the midst of this moment, here and now.”

Jeff’s powerful message hits me squarely in the midst of my busyness.

After a few weeks of contemplating the book, I reached out to Jeff to talk about his latest book.

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Jeff, we are all so busy.  Everyone seems to be rushing to get somewhere and do something.  You look at that time differently.  What made you pause and look at the “in-between”?

The birth of my son, Aiden. When he was born, everything seemed to slow down. But the irony was that whenever I spent some time away, due to a work trip or something, I ended up missing a lot. During the time that I was gone, my son had learned something new, some new expression or saying. And I realized that when I miss even a moment, I miss a lot–with Aiden, and with the rest of my life, and I don’t want to miss a thing.

So I wrote this book about the moments we tend to miss, about the times in between the milestones in our lives — and how those just might be the most important parts of life.

The subtitle of the book is Embracing the Tension Between Now and the Next Big Thing.  Again, that’s counter to what we learn.  Usually we want to let go of tension.  You want us to embrace it.  What do you mean and how do you do it?

Tension is inevitable. It’s part of our lives. Either, we learn to embrace it or deny its reality. But the fact that there are slower, less exciting times of life is a reality; what we do with those times is what makes our lives interesting… or not.

5 Ways to Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude

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If there was a drug with no negative side effects that helped you eat healthier, exercise more, experience less depression, and sleep better, how long would it last in the pharmacy?  We would flock to doctors for prescriptions.  The pharmaceutical company would have a hit.

It may not be a drug, but gratitude may be as important to your health as nutrition.   Let’s look at some of the benefits.  People described as thankful tend to:

  •             Eat healthier
  •             Develop stronger immune systems
  •             Experience more energy
  •             Demonstrate optimism and mental acuity
  •             Cope with stress better
  •             Describe life with high satisfaction
  •             Exercise regularly
  •             Solve difficult mental challenges easier
  •             Have deeper friendships
  •             Sleep better
  •             Have increased self-worth and self-esteem
  •             Show increased productivity
  •             Enjoy work and perform better on the job

There’s no happier person than a truly thankful, content person. -Joyce Meyer

Successful people practice gratitude.  After all, I don’t see how you can be called successful if you aren’t happy and thankful for all life has to offer.

Here are five ways to cultivate an “attitude of gratitude”:

1.  Write it down.

Keep a gratitude journal.  Try it for 30 days.  Be specific about what you are thankful for.  Watch how your thoughts develop over time.  You may start out simply, but when you add stories and color, it becomes more powerful.

When you practice gratefulness, there is a sense of respect toward others. -Dalai Lama

2.  Talk about it.

Sharing what you are thankful for isn’t just for Thanksgiving.  Make it a habit to talk about what you are grateful for all year long.  It will reinforce your feelings.

My fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.”

 

John F. Kennedy