12 Secrets Your Kids (and Employees) Want You to Know

Listen Up, Parents
This is a guest post by my friend Lee Colan and his three children: Cameron, Grace and Lexi Colan.

Leader as Parent, Parent as Leader

The more I lead, the more I work with leaders, and the more I parent, the more I see compelling parallels between leadership and parenting. Leaders are parents, and parents are leaders. They are in different settings with parallel roles.  To illustrate this, here is an excerpt from a refreshing parenting book that was written by three children, Please Listen Up, Parents: 12 Secrets YOUR Kids Want YOU to Know. This excerpt addresses creating connections – on its surface this is also a clear priority for leaders. What is compelling is the parallel actions for parents and leaders even below the surface. As you read this, consider how you can apply these insights from kids to your own team at work and family at home.

 

“Adults are just outdated children.” -Dr. Seuss

 

Even though our technology helps us stay connected, it doesn’t mean we are really connecting. A family is made up of real connections: connections between individuals, connections to values, and connections to a bigger purpose.

 

“The first duty of love is to listen.” -Paul Tillich

 

Show us how to make connections with other people.

Remember, we learn by example. Let us see you talking to other adults at the playground, park, or museum. Nudge us to interact with other kids when we’re feeling shy. Show us that it’s OK to say “hello” and strike up a conversation. Offer to host backyard cookouts and sleepovers with our friends. Encourage us to go on group outings and field trips with our friends and their friends. It’s a great big world out there, and the more connected we feel to it, the better lives we’ll lead.

 

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.” -Will Rogers

 

We also need to feel connected to our family values.

We’re navigating an endless stream of confusing messages from advertisers, coaches, friends, movies, teachers, TV, the Internet and more. Having clear family values keeps us grounded. Gen. Colin Powell once said, “The greatest gifts my parents gave to me were their unconditional love and a set of values. Values that they lived and didn’t just lecture about. Values that included an understanding of the simple differences between right and wrong, a belief in God, the importance of hard work, and education, and self-respect.” Our maternal grandfather and “family general” Ron Davis always says, “Family comes first, and they will always be there for you.” This phrase is more than just words for us. It helps to remind us of and reinforce our family’s values.

In addition to trying to live his values, our dad also wrote them down for us to make sure we knew them and had them in writing for safekeeping. Here are a few of them:

  1. Everything starts and ends with our relationships – with God first, then family.
  1. Respect the three P’s: people, property and perspectives. Leave people, places, and situations in a better condition than when you arrived.
  1. Do more than expected before it’s asked of you. Anticipate others’ needs, and take initiative. Think of others more than yourself.
  1. Give more grace to others than you think is necessary because, at some point, you will need more grace than you think you do.
  1. Perseverance and hard work beat natural talent every day. Our trials are God’s way of molding us into who He wants us to be.

When we’re not sure about what to do or how to feel in a new situation, sometimes we think about our family values to see if they can help. The values might not cover everything, but they usually do a good job of pointing us in the right direction.IMG_5358

It helps to discuss family values so we can each interpret what they mean to us. Also, keep them visible (usually in the kitchen) so the whole family can see them, refer to them and remember them, and hopefully, live by them.

We also need your help to begin to figure out how our gifts – artistic, athletic, comedic, intellectual, mathematical, musical, scientific, social, or anything else – can make the world a better place. We’re just kids, but understanding how and where we fit in the world is still really important to us.

Our dad once explained to us that sports equipment like golf clubs, tennis racquets and baseball bats all have a certain spot that, when a ball hits it, gives the best result. Hitting this sweet spot creates a long drive down the fairway, a swift crosscourt return, or a powerful homerun. When the ball hits that sweet spot, you barely feel it. The ball goes where you want it to go, even farther and faster than normal.

 

“Don’t promise when you’re happy, don’t reply when you’re angry, and don’t decide when you’re sad.” -Ziad K. Abdelnour

 

We need your help connecting to our sweet spot in life.

When we were little, you asked us, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Now it’s time for the next step, which is, “What do you want to do when you grow up?” Start by helping us answer two simple questions:

  1. What am I passionate about?
  2. Which tasks are easy and natural for me to perform?

You probably remember when you connected to your sweet spot in life. You knew you were “in the zone,” and other people acknowledged your skills and abilities. Maybe you connected to it when you were young, but it was probably a long process of self-discovery that lasted into young adulthood at least. So please don’t rush us. Watch for the right times to ask us these questions because those are the conversations that will help you understand us and really help us understand ourselves.

 

“There is one thing we can do better than anyone else: we can be ourselves.” -Arthur Ward

 

Help us explore new challenges and opportunities

How To Be Present and Productive When Time Is Short

5 Gears

Introducing the 5 Gear Model

 

Do you struggle with work-life balance?

Do you find it challenging to maintain relationships while also driving for results?

Do you take time to recharge your battery?

Find yourself at home when at work and at work when at home?

 

“Work on your weakest gear to improve your ability to influence others.” -Kubicek/Cockram

 

Be Present and Productive

If you are constantly juggling priorities and trying to keep it all together, you may not just need time management. You may need a new model. One that increase confidence and allows you to lead from a position of strength.

Jeremie Kubicek, credit Justin Westbrooks Jeremie Kubicek, credit Justin Westbrooks

Jeremie Kubicek and Steve Cockram are cofounders of GiANT Worldwide. Both are leadership experts, authors, speakers, and experienced in culture change. They have just written a book. 5 Gears: How to Be Present and Productive When There is Never Enough Time which is a terrific read, full of nuggets that will stay with you long after you finish.

Jeremie is a personal friend and someone I admire. He recently answered some questions about the new model they have developed.

 

“Secure, confident leaders are those that people want to follow.” -Kubicek/Cockram

 

Use 5 Gears to Increase Your Productivity

Jeremie, your newest book, 5 Gears: How to Be Present and Productive When There is Never Enough Time, coauthored with Steve Cockram is a thought-provoking new model of work-life balance. How did you develop it?

The book is a metaphor that we created to explain what we were seeing in each other as we were forming our company several years ago. Steve is British, and we had just moved to London, where I was learning how to smoothly drive a left-handed stick shift vehicle. As I lunged and ground the gears in our vehicle I used the analogy of why we are so often in the wrong gear at the wrong time socially and why we tend to disconnect and run people over figuratively.

Copyright Jeremie Kubicek and Steve Cockram, Used by Permission Copyright Jeremie Kubicek and Steve Cockram, Used by Permission

 

Perform a Leadership Reality Check

Take Inventory of Your Regrets to Create a Better Future

My Top 10 Regrets

Living With Regrets

 

“I often regret that I have spoken; never that I have been silent.” –Publilius Syrus

 

His eyes still haunt me months later.

I was in Chicago for a conference. Early on my first morning there, I found myself exiting the elevator into the well-appointed lobby. Taking a few minutes to warm myself in front of a roaring fire, I braced myself for the cold wind outside. Leaving the hotel was essential to go a block or so to Starbucks where I could find a jolt of caffeine.

That’s when I saw him. As I got closer, I could see him panhandling. A well-dressed businessman silently crossed the street in order to avoid him. I discretely slipped a few bucks from my wallet before he saw me, depositing them into my front pocket. When he asked for some help, I responded with a smile and the money.

The same thing happened the next day.

But, the third day, I thought that this wasn’t working. “Hey, I already gave him money,” I said to myself, “And it’s not like it does any good.” So, I smiled, but kept walking.

How utterly ridiculous. How self-centered. How insensitive.

A few bucks would have helped him a great deal and meant little to me. I regret not giving him those dollars and even more.

 

“I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.” –Lucille Ball

 

Take Time to Think About Your Regrets

It got me thinking about other regrets. Sure, some people can live with the “No Regrets” mindset. I, on the other, take time each year to think about what I do regret, what I should have done differently, what I could have done but did not do. And, painful as it is, and somewhat embarrassing, I am sharing the top 10 of this year’s list with you. I don’t do this as a way to provide an impossible penance or pay a debt. I do it because it acknowledges what I want to change. Hopefully, it sparks something in me to be a better, more caring person. And maybe you, too.

 

“To give up yourself without regret is the greatest charity.” –Bodhidharma

 

When I do this each year, it reminds me that, if I listen to my inner voice early enough, I will live life to its full. I will look back and not think of regret, but smile with a joy of knowing I did exactly what I was supposed to do.

 

“Listen to your inner voice early enough to change and live life to its full.” -Skip Prichard

 

What you’ll notice is that my regrets go in both directions. That’s because too much of one thing equals not enough of another. You will also notice that they start with “I.” Normally, I frown on writing with “I” because it is self-centered; however, this list is all about personal responsibility. And that always starts with I. Anything less would place blame where it should not be.

In a randomized order, here is my list:

How to Orchestrate Your Attitude

Choose A Positive Attitude
This is a guest post by Lee Colan and Julie Davis-Colan of The L Group, Inc., a consulting firm that has served leaders at every level since 1999. They are the authors of Getting the Best from Yourself and Others.

Your Attitude Determines Your Success

How do you measure success? Is it by financial security, career growth, community involvement, quality of relationships, spiritual centeredness or the legacy you leave? Whichever measure you choose, your attitude is the single most important factor in achieving success.

 

“Your attitude is the single most important factor in achieving success.”

 

The topic of attitude can be conceptual and confusing. In fact, as we go through life we often hear phrases like, “Keep your chin up,” “Look on the bright side,” or “You need a winning attitude.” Unfortunately, we seldom know how to convert these soft sayings into hard results.

The great news is that even in the worst situations – a victim of a natural disaster, prisoner of war, target of abuse or when hit by a string of unfortunate circumstances – your attitude is something you can always control!

When we control our attitude we influence how our body responds and performs. Where our thoughts and attitudes go, our bodies follow. For example, blushing is a physical reaction to a mere thought. If we have this kind of reaction to a thought, is it such a leap of faith to believe that we can orchestrate our attitudes to affect our bodies in beneficial ways?

 

“The choice of attitude is yours. Tomorrow you will become what you choose today.”

 

A landmark study shed light on the ultimate benefit of a positive attitude. In this particular study, participants who were more positive lived an average of 10 years longer than the other participants. Considering that smoking has been shown to reduce life expectancy by 5.5 years for men and 7 years for women, your attitude might be a health risk factor worth paying real attention to.

The choice of attitude is yours. Tomorrow you will become what you choose today.

 

Study: positive participants lived 10 years longer than other participants.

 

A Script for Orchestrating Attitude

There are three aspects of the script that work in concert: thoughts, words and actions. By orchestrating each aspect with conscious responses, we positively influence our beliefs, commitments and results.

 

Orchestrating Attitude Script

 

The script plays out like this:

  • Thoughts, the way we choose to interpret our world, directly influence our beliefs.
  • Beliefs directly influence the words we choose to speak to others, and more importantly, to ourselves.
  • Words reflect our commitments to ourselves and others.
  • Commitments influence our choice of actions.
  • Finally, our actions directly influence the results we achieve.

This script is self-reinforcing, for better or for worse. The results we achieve reinforce our thoughts, and the same script is played out again. So, it all starts with our thoughts. Our thoughts today influence our results tomorrow.